Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Today's book-burning: The Elements of Journalism. Fox News' coverage of President Bush's state visit to Canada today is proof-positive that the network has no business broadcasting here. Put in its own words, albeit not splashed on the screen in big, bold letters: "Why bother?" -- exactly what I'll be thinking when it comes time to subscribe to that disgusting channel. Perhaps that should be Canada's response when we're asked, nay, expected to join Ballistic Missile Defense, provide a stable supply of cheap energy, prevent terrorists from entering the U.S., and -- one more example of many -- share our supply of flu vaccine. We don't have a hope in hell of ingratiating ourselves to the U.S., no matter what we do; why bother, indeed? (Stephen Harper and the Conservatives are in for one hell of a rude awakening when they come to power and, in a sycophantic effort to emulate and flatter Bush's America, dismantle Canada's liberal policies and stifle our social progressiveness, only to find that the press and politicos down there still vilify us and, therefore, the American public still doesn't like or trust us.)
While I'm at it, shame on CNN and the rest of you so-called "respectable" news networks in the U.S. Journalists? No. Fleet Street-style tabloid muckrakers on the boob tube pandering to the lowest -- and, coincidentally, conservative -- common denominator? Yes. Your jingoistic, you're-either-with-us-or-against-us coverage of your country's latest "war of liberation," or whatever you're calling it these days, turned me off watching, listening to, and reading American news over a year ago, and I have no intention of going back. (Seeing the world through red-and-white-colored glasses suits me just fine; I don't need the blue in there, thank you very much.) Insulting Canadians today as our government welcomed your president, pissing on our olive branch, for all intents and purposes, and judging all of us based on the words and actions of a few unruly anti-Bush -- not anti-American, unless you brand your own placard-waving Democrats, progressives, and liberals that -- protesters, whose anarchistic brethren have done anything but endear themselves to us in the past, merely reinforces my already low opinion of your brand of "journalism" and its various shades of yellow. Apparently, we hold our national news media to a much higher standard -- one that involves a whole lot less misleading, derogatory, and just plain outlandish reporting about other countries and their citizens.
You know, if you're so hell-bent on maintaining poor relations, or just plain hating us -- and garnering the ratings that come with that -- then why don't you go all the way and drum up another war, one closer to home? You've already created a de facto cold war between our two countries -- why not go all the way? Don't worry, occupying Canada will be a snap for your well-practiced military; besides, we're all busy dogsledding up here -- just ask Fucker Carlson. Oh, sorry, that's Tucker, isn't it? Well, whatever you call yourself, you and your bombastic ilk south of the border lend credence to the growing belief in Canada and elsewhere that America's a great country filled with wonderful people...so long as it keeps its partisan politics and news media, and those who blindly follow those doyens of arrogance and hypocrisy, to itself. Remember, folks: respect begets respect; don't bother asking us why there is anti-Americanism here when you have the likes of Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly, to name but a few Canada-bashers, speaking for you.
So, had I been in Ottawa today, I would have been on the front lines protesting Bush, right? Nope. I had nothing against his visit, especially its laudable attempt at fence-mending, which included publicly thanking Atlantic Canadians for their help during the 9-11 attacks, three years behind though it may have been. I could have done without him publicly pressuring us on BMD, mind you; nevertheless, the overall rankling was kept to a minimum, aided by the fact that he wisely chose not to address Parliament. The asininity of the American media, on the other hand -- that I would have protested; in fact, my placard would have read, "Fox News go home!" Then, after a bit of marching, I would have found Carolyn Parrish and thanked her for making Fucker -- oops, I did it again; sorry, eh? -- look like hubristic dork that he is. (I like the bow ties, though; not that they make for much of an intellectual affectation in his case -- he's no Pierre Burton.) Don't worry, I would have smiled and waved at the president, just to spite her.
Follow-up: A week later and these arrogant hypocrites, both in the right-wing media and in the halls of American power, are calling for the resignation of UN secretary general Kofi Annan. (Apparently, accusations of corruption within the oil-for-food program warrant a resignation, but lying to the world, invading a sovereign country on false pretences, killing an untold number of innocent civilians, and making the world a much more dangerous place warrants a reelection.) These people are completely and utterly devoid of shame. They literally make me sick to my stomach; I'm feeling nauseated as I type this follow-up. If they hadn't already crossed the line, they certainly have now in saying "You're fired!" to a man whose intelligence, character, and vision I would stack against that of any Republican or conservative "journalist." Besides, the only one that should be resigning is the U.S. -- from the Security Council, General Assembly, and every other UN body; given all the vitriolic complaints about the organization, it seems the appropriate thing to do. Let me put that in easy-to-understand terms for you foreign-policy simpletons: Don't like it? Leave. (Perfect: no more anchor for that go-it-alone attitude of yours.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:48 [ link | top | home ]
Thursday, November 18, 2004
A sad day for Canadian broadcasting. The CRTC has approved Fox News' application to broadcast on digital cable in Canada. As a Canadian citizen, social liberal, and someone schooled in journalism, ethics included, I have been insulted by that 24-hour news channel on countless occasions; to have that right-wing filth pollute our airwaves, while those propagandists profit from it, is even more insulting. And, yes, I have both watched Fox News (by choice) and been subjected to it (not by choice) during my somewhat extensive time in the U.S. I know first-hand just how much the words "fair" and "balanced" have been perverted by that conservative media organization. That blowhard Bill O'Reilly, alone, makes me think twice about consuming other News Corporation products, movies included -- that's how sickened I am by him, his cohorts, and their extreme biases. (This from someone who, because of some sort of bizarre post-9-11 Stockholm syndrome, actually used to watch -- and, amazingly, enjoy -- his show, The O'Reilly Factor, much to the chagrin of the TV set's owner, a staunch Democrat.) Gee, just what Canada needs: loudmouthed shills of the Republican Party masquerading as journalists, denigrating us from within. Hey, CRTC, why not approve an all-separatist channel while your at it?
Follow-up: No wonder Fox News was approved: Since his departure from the Bush White House, David Frum has been acting as scout for the network -- a one-man recce into icky liberal territory, identifying our weaknesses to his conservative brethren in hopes of currying favor with them. A punditship, perhaps? A wannabe full-blooded Republican seeking redemption through betrayal of his Canadian blood?
posted by media_dystopia @ 14:30 [ link | top | home ]
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
News item: Canada has mad cow; goes by the name of Carolyn Parrish. Her brand of gleeful, knee-jerk anti-Americanism, however factually correct, is as pathetic as it is shameful. If she wants the power to denigrate the U.S. at will, then perhaps she should resign her seat in the House of Commons and become a civilian. As a civil servant and parliamentarian, she has an obligation to those of us who pay her salary: Canadian taxpayers. We demand that those who represent us act with intelligence and decorum. We expect those who speak on our behalf to be diplomatic -- realizing that politeness does not equate pandering -- and respectful towards other nations, especially on the eve of potentially fence-mending state visits. We want our representatives to take the high road instead of wallowing in -- and throwing -- the muck. Call us kooky, but we think that MPs should be engaged in intelligent rhetoric instead of schoolyard trash-talk. (As a former teacher, doesn't she know that the former elevates us in the eyes of the world while the latter only serves to debase us? Talk about setting a bad example for Canadian youth.) If Carolyn Parrish can't handle that, then she needs to find a new line of work. Don't worry, highly qualified bombasts like her are always in demand by the media; she'll still be able to get her message of hate out and make the country and Canada-U.S. relations suffer for her inane outbursts and rude gestures. We'll still be paying for it -- just not with our taxes. Until then, though, I'd like to thank that stupid cow for making things worse for us...again.
Follow-up: The prime minister kicking her out of the Liberal caucus -- which I realize was done more for her party- and boss-bashing than Bush-bashing -- is a good first step; however, the punitive measures shouldn't stop there. Personally, I'd make her walk the streets of Washington D.C. wearing a Day-Glo "Got tact?" T-shirt. I'd also put out a line of Carolyn Parrish dolls so that Canadians could stomp on her with as much glee as she did the Bush one. Of course, we won't be able to do it on national television like she did -- but, hey, private backlashes are backlashes nonetheless.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:24 [ link | top | home ]
Again with the not waiting for Christmas. Today I bought my second DVD: A Perfect Circle's aMOTION. Being the scatterbrain that I am these days, I forgot about yesterday's release date, so I paid penance today by braving Toronto rush-hour traffic in a cold drizzle. I rewarded myself during the return trip by sampling the remixes on the bonus audio CD -- appropriately titled rEMIXED -- which, truth be known, was the real reason I bought the DVD. Later in the evening, I did check out the DVD content, including some rather odd videos. Don't get me wrong, I love the band's music and lyrics, and I pray at the alter of Maynard, but...Bikini Bandits? I realize that it's a cult film series on the Internet; still, it's the kind of gratuitous misogyny I expect from the world of hip-hop, not from a band as lyrically intelligent as APC. I find it somewhat incongruous -- disparaging, even -- given the politically though-provoking nature of eMOTIVe. (Sorry, but I just don't get it.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 22:39 [ link | top | home ]
Monday, November 15, 2004
Sorry, mom, I couldn't wait for Christmas. Today, I bought my first DVD: Corner Gas: Season One. Technically, I already have one in my "collection" -- the DVD of Tool videos that came with Salival -- but this is the first DVD-only purchase I've made. This despite not owning a DVD player; my computer can play DVDs, but I don't have anything attached to my television which can, making today's purchase a testament to the awesomeness of Corner Gas. I watched three of the 13 episodes tonight, and all three made me tear up from laughter.
As for this season's shows, I've seen all six, courtesy of a friend who taped them for me while I was in the U.S. (At first, I noticed subtle differences between the two seasons; after repeated viewings, however, all I could notice was the diaphragm-spasming, lung-emptying hilarity -- first and second seasons were as one.) Watching those episodes makes Corner Gas the only network show I've watched this season; I've all but given up on American network television -- and the over-the-top previews -- altogether. Discovery Channel, be it the U.S. or Canadian version (depending on which side of the border I'm on), is pretty much the only one that's held on to my viewership this fall. The rest, I just don't care about; plus I'm not in the mood these days to tie my life to a television schedule.
Follow-up: Add Star Trek: Enterprise to the list of this season's shows I've watched on tape.
Follow-up: As expected, I've been watching the taped episodes of Corner Gas incessantly. I've realized there's a danger for me in doing this close to bedtime: I end up lying in bed with my eyes watering, sniggering uncontrollably as I recite lines to myself. I can't remember another show doing that to me.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:41 [ link | top | home ]
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Lest we forget.
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
-- John McRae, 1915
posted by media_dystopia @ 11:00 [ link | top | home ]
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Wheels up on Bushville. With or without the "é" and "è" in her name, An American in Canada's Australian in Canada, Helene Joy, is gorgeous. (Man, that CBC photo makes me weak in the knees; now that, Lindsay Lohan, is how you tan well.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:27 [ link | top | home ]
I'm quakin' in my sweaty, smelly shoes. I've traveled a fair bit since my father the world traveler died, and there's a few things I've noticed about the folks at the Transportation Security Administration: they're idiots. No, really. If you go through enough airports in the U.S., you realize that not only is there no consistency in security, but they're asinine about it. For example, at one major airport, a stern-looking TSA officer announced in a booming voice, "If you don't your shoes off, folks, you'll be with us a lot longer." I know they're trying to intimidate us passengers at the security checkpoint, but how threatening can it be when I've been traveling for 12 hours and they get to inhale deeply? Big threat: making me air out my shoes and socks for the first time in half a day, when the TSA doesn't issue nose plugs. "Please, sir, don't make me cool off my tired, achy feet!"
posted by media_dystopia @ 22:07 [ link | top | home ]
Monday, November 08, 2004
Just like those FARKers. Here's something fun to do in the U.S.: go into a store selling CDs, pick up one by Avril Lavigne or some other Canadian artist, and say in a loud voice, "Damn Canadians! Haven't we annexed them, yet?" And then put the CD down in disgust and walk away. For some extra laughs, do it in a state that was annexed.
You see, we Canadians are perfectly capable of putting down our own country without any help from you shitheads on FARK.com and your troll-like ilk across the Web who are all doing your best to prove that the motto of the Internet should be "Assholes of the world unite!" (And people wonder why I don't visit these sorts of free-for-all community sites anymore.)
Follow-up: Alternatively, stand in line at the supermarket days after one of most divisive elections ever and say that you're getting rid of all your loose change because you're leaving the country. When asked where you're going, say Canada -- again, in a loud enough voice that others around you hear -- but don't mention that you live there and that you're Canadian. Just stand there, smile, and watch them jump to conclusions. Yeah, that's fun, too.
posted by media_dystopia @ 22:31 [ link | top | home ]
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
A foregone conclusion. Today, I performed my sacred duty: I bought A Perfect Circle's eMOTIVe. Listening to it, however, will have to wait since today is moving day; I was lucky to have even found the time to drive to the mall and back.
As for that other thing today, beside pointing out that the end result was no surprise to this stranger in a strange political land -- as many have heard me say, I would have put money on it a year ago, and even more a month ago -- I only two things to say to Americans:
1) You (re-)elected Bush -- you have no right to complain about Canada, no matter what inane drivel comes out of Carolyn Parrish's gob. (This shall henceforth be my response to any American criticism of my country.)
2) We saw your democratic process in action in 2000 and 2004 -- you have no right to complain about anyone else's, or lack thereof. (Might I suggest that democratization be left to those countries who've got a handle on democracy?)
You have forfeited these rights, folks -- get used to it. And that's all I will say on this subject; Bush and his continued administration are simply not worth the keystrokes and the aggravation they bring.
Follow-up: In the week that followed, I listened to eMOTIVe repeatedly. I really enjoy the two new songs, "Passive" and "Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums," and the 10 covers are growing on me. Maynard does a beautiful a cappella rendition, a two-part harmony with himself, of Joni Mitchell's "The Fiddle and the Drum," from 1969's Clouds. The Canadian's lyrics date to another divisive time, and are even more apropos today; in my mind, they say it all, and are the perfect words with which to end an album described, by Maynard, as "a collection of songs about war, peace, love and greed":
And so once again
My dear Johnny my dear friend
And so once again you are fightin' us all
And when I ask you why
You raise your sticks and cry, and I fall
Oh, my friend
How did you come
To trade the fiddle for the drum
You say I have turned
Like the enemies you've earned
But I can remember
All the good things you are
And so I ask you please
Can I help you find the peace and the star
Oh, my friend
What time is this
To trade the handshake for the fist
And so once again
Oh, America my friend
And so once again
You are fighting us all
And when we ask you why
You raise your sticks and cry and we fall
Oh, my friend
How did you come
To trade the fiddle for the drum
You say we have turned
Like the enemies you've earned
But we can remember
All the good things you are
And so we ask you please
Can we help you find the peace and the star
Oh my friend
We have all come
To fear the beating of your drum
One problem, though: bullies get off on fear.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:50 [ link | top | home ]